I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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