I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
