you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my shit smells like andre
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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