hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
