guys are only as good as the porn they watch
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
