Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
