So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
