Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
