wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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