nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
