eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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