Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
