I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
