What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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