i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
