You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
