Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
