Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
