and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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