We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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