I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
