Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
