3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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