Don't make out with my wife yet
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
