i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
