i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
