He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
