i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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