If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
