you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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