no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
