Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
