If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
