yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My dick has a subreddit
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
