I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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