I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
