1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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