We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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