I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
