Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
