Porn is love you can see.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
