fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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