I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You dont lie about slip and slides
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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