I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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