Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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