Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
