he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
