im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
