It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
