i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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