I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
