and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
