TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
