dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
