Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
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he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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