I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
