Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
