Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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