Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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