my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
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