Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
