Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
