He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hippo gnu deer
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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