Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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