so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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