There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
