He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
