So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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