You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
