i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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