Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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