Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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