You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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