nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
