You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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