Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
