idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
