I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
