I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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