I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
