the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
