My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
