Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
